‘Shadow and Light Source Both’
Speaking up – Speaking out
What am I, a candle? If that! Some small light in an immensity of darkness then? Even to say this much reeks of hubris. Why then do I write as if I know something? Why, indeed, do I write at all?
The former speaks of ego, this is where hubris hides. A claim made that I know something – after more than forty years of searching, practicing, praying, meditating upon such things, attempting to build a bridge across the chasm that lies between the ego-self and True knowledge. Perhaps this points to why I write at all, after all, who among us listens to the ‘masters’ any more? Who sits at their feet, literally or figuratively? Who is willing to spend endless hours in meditation and/or prayer? Who desires to push their body through fasting and Yogic disciplines of various kinds? Who spends long, solitary hours walking alone, watching their minds, their hearts, in order to know anything whose value lies only in its supposed proximity to this Real ?
Actually, I do know the answer to the second question raised (Why do I write at all?) for it came to me one morning, in that place between sleep and waking, a year or so ago now, this summons to action; an impetus to begin to speak up, to speak out against this encroaching tide of darkness that seemed to me to be closing in on the world around us. This summons asked that ‘Truth,’ such as one knows it, begin to cry out against this smothering tide of stupidity, obfuscation, and just damn lies that our world seems to be drowning in. It also claimed that people – human beings – men and women, even children – know what Truth is when they hear it, could pick the difference between truth and lies, but that some needed first to hear it from another voice, and this required that someone, anyone – everyone – who had any real experience or knowledge of this ‘thing,’ truth, that they could intuitively recognise when they heard it, to speak up, perhaps even to cry out! And that such an action was in some fashion, in some small way, would be also a recognition of the debt one owed to ‘that’ which gave rise to this possibility of knowing in the first place.
That is why I write.
What then of the content? Is not all Truth spoken, a lie, as Jiddu Krishnamurti once claimed?
Coming back to the first question, that of “Why me?” Why do I write as if I know something – anything – that would satisfy this criterion (that of knowing the truth) and – in thus speaking up – this content would not just be more hubris (for surely the world has enough of this!).
For darkness to reign, only one thing is needed: that of a complete lack of light. Recently I attempted to make a space for this speaking-up, even where one doubted the authenticity of one’s ‘voice.’ What transpired I will now attempt to convey, to see if more light can be thrown upon this whole issue of speaking up, speaking out.
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Darkness and Light
It does not require a searchlight to give the lie to universal darkness; a candle will serve the same purpose.
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There is a Sufi story, told of the sometimes comic figure of Mullah Nasruddin, discovered one night by a friend searching beneath a streetlight. Concerned, this friend approached the Mullah and asked him what he was looking for, to which he responded: “I’ve lost my keys!”
The friend joined him in his searching. After some little time had elapsed, and now puzzled by their inability to find Mullah’s lost keys, the friend ventured to ask him where he had lost them. Mullah, continuing his searching, pointed a finger off into the darkness somewhere beyond the light, responding, “Over there!” The friend, now thoroughly confused, ventured to ask a further question: “Then why are we searching here?”
Now a little irritated by what he clearly thought a silly question, the Mullah responded slowly, “Because there’s more light here!”
Maulana (Rumi) in his poem, “Enough Words?” (Coleman Barks translation), said:
‘… No matter how fast you run,
Your shadow more than keeps up.
Sometimes, it’s in front!
Only full, overhead sun
Diminishes your shadow.
But that shadow has been serving you!
What hurts you, blesses you.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.’
He continues:
‘… You must have shadow and light source both…’
(In: ‘The Essential Rumi’ Trans. Coleman Barks, p20).
If we were to combine the Mullah Nasruddin ‘lost keys’ story with that of Rumi’s ‘Enough Words?’ we begin to see the subtlety of the path of return vis a vie the Sufi Way. Light alone is not enough for those lost in Darkness, they need light and shadow both to begin the journey home. These are the Mullah’s ‘lost keys,’ something of the point he was making. It is within ourselves that these ‘shadowlands’ reside and it is to these that we must address ourselves if we are ever to remove ourselves from the predicament we find ourselves in, if we choose to look.
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This morning, reflecting on the idea of a “Spiritual Autobiography” (which I had made a few tentative steps to begin a few days earlier) it occurred to me to question the expectation that any potential reader of such material might bring to its contents. Would they, for instance, expect it to have the power or the force of those giants in the field such as Teresa of Avila, or St. John of the Cross? Perhaps a Padre Pio? Certainly they wouldn’t expect a Mullah Sadra Shirazi or an Ibn ‘Arabi? Why then write at all if one’s ‘light,’ such as it is, is closer to a candle held up to the full sun?
Then, thankfully, the answer comes. Few if any of us can stand or indeed benefit from ‘full overhead sun.’ Indeed, as Rumi makes clear, such a light obliterates the very thing that benefits us most…shadow, for it is the presence of these very same ‘shadowlands’ that one finds where it is that we need to begin our journeys. Where else could we begin? This journey, from darkness into light, requires a degree of light that will enable us to begin, that’s all. Later, soon enough perhaps, that light will increase. For now, it is enough to know that darkness is not all there is (like one black swan dispelling the mistaken claim that all swans are white). We only need a little light for this purpose. Just a little light can counter our blindness, and help us know how to venture forward from where we are. It is in this manner that I dare to undertake the journey that will expose both my limitations and the steps needed to expand my own vision, such as it is. Too long the obfuscators and liars have sought to dim the light, to take up all of the oxygen needed for others to attempt to reverse humanities slide into darkness and ignorance once more.
And it is from here that we must proceed, if we are ever to know the answer that we represent.
Just a little light.
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Tracks in a Pathless Land 